It’s not my fault, but …

Forgive our absence from writing, we’ve been busy (and who hasn’t?) Between enjoying summer, spending time with family, celebrating the holiday and watching fireworks, I’m pooped. Dan probably is too, but we keep going. He works and runs, and once again, I’m taking an English class at CMU. Life is hectic and I think that busyness is what keeps us going.

However, keeping busy can be a double-edged sword of sorts.

We all would agree that I did nothing to get this stupid disease. And you all would probably scream, “It is not your fault!” when I’m feeling sorry for myself and ask out loud, “What did I do to get this?”

But as much as I didn’t do anything to bring about MS, when a new symptom presents itself or there’s an “incident,” it seems the first response myself and others always have is to point a finger at me. That’s the double-edge.

The truth is I didn’t and couldn’t have caused my MS. However, that recent painful fall I took with a caregiver, well, some may think that it was kind of my fault. Believing that I fell,“because I was tired.” And the trigeminal neuralgia that is bothering me, it’s probably because, “I am doing so much” or because “I’m stressed about school.”

That doesn’t seem fair does it? This paradox is just another fact of life with a chronic illness like Multiple Sclerosis. If you stay busy trying to not let MS slow you down, it eventually catches up and tends to really slow you down. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Yet I confidently say, “Watch out MS, I know it’s not my fault and look at me go!”


2 Responses to “It’s not my fault, but …”

  1. Judy says:

    Glad to see you back and, hell no, it’s not your fault.

  2. I like Judy’s response of “Hell no.”

    Change your words and change your life. I never deal in “fault” or “blame.” Those words are filled with judgment, not truth. Responsibility….now there is a good word. My MS is not my fault, but it is my responsibility.

    I also put all of life’s events into one of three categories. They are the things I control, the things I influence and the things over which I have no control. I can’t control my MS, but I may have influence (diet, exercise, attitude, etc.) and that is my responsibility. I hope yo agree.


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